just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
