just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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