I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
