we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
