We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
