why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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