i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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