I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
