weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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