Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
