dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
