Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
