So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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