You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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