Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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