This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
