she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
