All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
