It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
