You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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