don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you remember whose house we're in?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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