I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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