Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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