Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
