I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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