the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
