last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
