I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
