We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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