I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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