Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
