Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
