I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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