You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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