So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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