I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
