does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
