I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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