i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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