I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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