there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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