You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
