I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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