You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
