I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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