I love black thongs
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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