Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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