I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
