Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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