But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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